Kung Fu Panda

In Theaters June 6, 2008

dolphin + whale = wolphin

"If life on Earth was not strange enough, nature occasionally throws a very unusual creation into the genetic mix."

I'm sorry... did someone say "nature?" Right... or humans playing God just to see if we can. Actually, this really was nature. The dolphin and false killer whale began their romance while working together at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, and gave birth to their wolphin back in 1985. Most hybrids are sterile, but this wolphin has had 2 calfs! Maybe soon all life will be customizable. Who says you have to color within the lines? That's no fun. Read the whole story HERE.

cookies in the workplace

Perhaps my lack of a "sweet tooth" is hindering my ability to appreciate the sentiment behind the distribution of baked goods in exchange for social acceptance. However, I find it highly unprofessional to bring cookies to an interview, and also to bring cookies to your first day of your new occupation. Granted, (and here's where it may come across that I seem slightly bitter about the hiring decision...) if you've been justifying your existence by raising children to be responsible, functional adults in society, you probably have lots of knowledge to share regarding baking small morsels of sugar and flour and chocolate into flat, round treats for consumption.

Let's examine this for a moment...

Other than baking cookies, and literally having a "Cookbook for Success," that you so kindly shared in your interview, what extra experience can you bring to the table? For starters, you're probably very well articulated in your notes to the school informing teachers of doctor's appointments and other excused absences. I'm sure that you have a talent for proofreading book reports, and I bet your time management skills are proven on intense science fair projects.

Baking Soda + Vinegar = Volcanic Eruption! Bill Nye would be proud.

Clearly, this speaks to your ability to create marketing materials for management and IT training courses and lead group projects (which do involve adults) to concrete marketing strategies for several international operating units. The mothering habits do come across, when you ask if I need a tissue, or if I have my breakfast this morning. In the unexplainable universe of senior management, this somehow equates to having more writing experience than a Communications Major, 3 years out of undergrad, who provided "excellent" marketing materials for this position, according to the marketing manager... interesting.

Granted, I didn't necessarily need this promotion, as I'm going to graduate school in 5 months (not that my managers are aware of that), but it's the principle behind it all, which I've mentioned before in older posts. My lack of responsibility in my day job could be perceived as a good thing. Though I am incredibly bored and unmotivated to be productive in any manner that would benefit the company, it does allow me to entertain the masses with my daily observations and cognitive processes.
For instance, why are cookies the bribe of choice in this professional arena? They don't scream "productivity" or "professional atmosphere" or even "tasty" since they're chocolate chip, and I don't like chocolate chip unless they are designated "chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips," which are indeed different from sugar cookies. Going back to the purpose of the cookies, one might guess that cookies might improve office moral and encourage camaraderie but in fact, they contribute to the inner struggles and anxieties the various Weight Watchers members encompass throughout the office, which will cause more stress, cattiness, and overall lack of job satisfaction in the workplace. Being a mother, the new employee in question should know that even Cookie Monster was "given a long vacation" from Sesame Street, as he clearly encouraged an unhealthy lifestyle. (As a side note- I don't think Cookie Monster's approach to life was so much less healthy than Oscar the Grouch living as a grump in a trash can with his pet worm, Slimey...) Last year, Cookie Monster explained his new philosophy that "Cookies are a sometime food." I highly doubt Cookie Monster is referring to "sometimes" as a "professional interview" and your first day on the job.

Tucan Sam's 1st Date Rules

1. Make sure the girl is aware it's a date... (i.e. if she suggests quesadillas because they're delicious and it's a casual "let's get some food" thing, go with it-- don't try and make it fancy by ditching the quesadillas)

2. Don't be late (especially when the girl is notorious for being late, yet she was able to show up relatively on time, even if it was because she was mistakenly motivated by quesadillas)

3. Do not order for her. You may have poor taste in culinary options, and order things she doesn't want to eat, and she'll have to go home and have froot loops for dinner later.

4. Don't answer your phone multiple times during dinner and say things like, "Dude, I'm with this smoking hot chick, I'm not coming to Dave&Busters." It's not polite. It's not cute. It makes it awkward.

5. Read the signs... if she's not overly flirty or touchy, most likely she doesn't want to kiss you at the end of the night.

6. Don't show up at her work the next night and follow her around while she's busy bussing tables and you're saying, "I'm just here to annoy you..." Are you a 12 year old girl? It's not cute. You are annoying her. Secondly, if she's worked all night, and trying to finish up entering tips in a computer, do not wave your hands in front of the screen and try to push buttons. Take a hint- when she grabs your hand and shoves you away and says, "dude, you're irritating me, step off," that means grow up and leave her alone. Not a good time to be "flirting" or whatever it is you think you're doing.

7. When you (in a drunken stupor) inform her that you are planning to ask her out on Wednesday, and she says she can't because she will be taking a nap on Wednesday, and does not suggest another day, and tells you she's really just too busy to date right now... let it go.

sometimes you need a pick-me-up

Last night wasn't the best in terms of money to be made in my section, and I stupidly burned my hand because I had the smart idea to pick up a metal plate that was in the oven. Genius. At any rate, frustrated with only having 3 tables for the night, 2 of which were occupied by 1 man each, I was feelin' the blues... I asked Gary Grainger to play Sweet Home Chicago (notably because it's one of my favorite blues songs, and also as a side highlight for my acceptance to the University of Chicago, but Gary's soul singer wasn't there, so "maybe next week," I was told.

*sigh*

As I made my rounds reluctantly (but with a smile of course) asking people if they needed more water (to which 9 times out of 10, they declined), I looked up and saw a friendly face. After mentioning my less than perfect night with my lack of tables, my burn injury, and not being able to hear my requested blues, I think it was clear that I would have rather been working at Harp & Fiddle making St. Paddy's Day tips (compared to my $30 for my 6 1/2 hours), and working with a friendlier staff (Milton and Gary excluded because they're awesome).

Not 5 minutes later, that friendly face walked up on stage with his guitar, and sang Sweet Home Chicago. I'm not *positive* whose idea it was, but I'm going to pretend it was for me, just the same. With an exchange of a smile after the song was over, it made my night.

Buddy Guy & Everyone -- Sweet Home Chicago (Crossroads 2007)

Some more blues for you. Enjoy!

Buddy Guy -- Damn Right I've Got the Blues (Crossroads 2007)

John Mayer -- I Don't Need No Doctor (Crossroads 2007)

fly me to the moon...

Even though there's not enough coffee in the western hemisphere to counter the effects of 2am dancing to Frank Sinatra after the bar closes, I wouldn't have it any other way.

that's more like it!

Dear Ms. Brown:

I am very pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the two-year Master of Public Policy (MPP) program at the Irving B. Harris Graduate School of Public Policy Studies at the University of Chicago. The Committee on Admission and Aid accepted your application based on outstanding academic achievement, professional commitment, and personal motivation. Our decision reflects confidence in your continuing promise as a student and policy professional. In turn, we are certain that you will contribute greatly to the intellectual vitality of the program and to our larger community of alumni and friends, all of whom are dedicated to advance the public good.

Etc...

we regret to inform you...

Recently I've recieved two rejection letters for grad school. Columbia University was the first. This was ok because it was my "long-shot" school. Extremely competitive, it wasn't a complete surprise that I wasn't accepted. Yesterday however, I received a second letter, this one from the University of Denver. Now, of the 9 schools I applied to, Denver was my safety school. The fact that Denver did not accept me, would lead me to believe that it is highly unlikely for any other school to accept me for their incoming class...

For the moment, I am not yet going into panic mode for three reasons: 1) today is my birthday and I want to stay positive; 2) I was reminded of my imaginary back-up plan of owning a pineapple pizza delivery service (via a cute light purple Cessna with white flowers on it) in Hawaii; and 3) if I were to continue existing in the "real world," I could potentially go back to school (starting at Montgomery College) and pursue graphic design and photography. On a side note, I am confident that I can pay my bills with my other jobs I have recently taken, waiting tables. The issue is my career.

As a communication major, I occassionally obsess over small issues in writing. I am an organized person, and go through each requirement of an endeavor and put forth my utmost effort (so long as the endeavor is something I aspire to do, unlike my day job). When applying for grad school, I went through each program, assessed what the admissions department was looking for, and one by one, I completed the requirements and invested much time and energy into creating application materials that would soar above and beyond what was minimally required.

The application process is daunting, and for some, is the very reason grad school is postponed. Procrastination can be a bitch. I needed two college courses to place me in the running, as I never needed to take them during my undergraduate career. I took the GREs, and completed the two courses- Intermediate Spanish 2, and Microeconomics. I then drafted 10 separate in-depth essays, including an optional essay for NYU. I requested transcripts from all previously attended schools. I was in contact with 5 professors in regards to recommendations. Everything was in order... or so I thought.

Dear Ms. Brown,

We regret to inform you.... Blah blah blah... There were many candidates this year... Blah blah blah... We wish you the best of luck in your graduate career.

Regards,
The Admissions Department

Let's take a moment and just reflect on this informative piece of communication.

...*moment*...

Luck. "We wish you the best of luck..."

No one FREAKIN told me I needed LUCK to get into GRAD SCHOOL!!!! I would have gladly sent in a four leaf clover, and paid extra for shipping and handling of lucky horseshoes, and I would have sent boxes of Lucky Charms cereal so the admissions department could start their day off right- with a very LUCKY part of a complete breakfast! I've never been superstitious, but THIS is one of those times when exceptions are warranted. Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, I TOTALLY could have worked with this, if they just put a little empty box (needing my check mark) on the application form, next to "Luck pulled from a leprechaun's ass, wiped with a four-leaf clover."

blair mansion jazz

Monday nights at the Blair Mansion are packed with jazz musicians playing their hearts out as you are served dinner a la carte (5-10pm). 3 weeks ago began a now weekly event, pooling incredibly talented musicians into 1 single room for an open-mic style jam session. Some of these musicians haven't played together in 20 years, and came together 3 weeks ago to play again. The performances are nothing short of spectacular. Some have played with Marvin Gaye, James Brown, Earth Wind & Fire, and Santana to name a few. It's energetic, fun, and the drinks and food are good too!

Sit in my section, enjoy the music, give nice tips, k thanks!

a self-help collective disaster

A side note of observation regarding support networks for divorce: As a now-grown child of a "broken family," I have been able to observe the ritual dating dance of the American, middle-class, mid-40s divorcée.

"Support" Groups (or so they call themselves) like Parents Without Partners or New Beginnings, exist to help parents overcome the emotional and mental strains of separating from their partners. This is the initial reason to join... you may eventually move to non-support group type clubs, just for recreation (Columbia Ski Club), or recreation coupled the purpose of meeting people (Singles on Sailboats). My mother belongs to the ski club... and I can't remember the last time she went skiing. Don't get me wrong, she enjoys the parties, mixers, and dances the club puts on, and any concerts or outings they organize. The essential reason to continue your membership however, is based purely on wanting to meet people (new potential significant others to be specific...).

Let me point out a problem with this scenario. If you gather a lot of people who have all been rejected in serious long-term relationships, they all have their unique plethora of issues to contribute due to their failed marriages- bitterness, insecurities, trust issues, not to mention the control freaks... Sorry, I'm getting off track. The point is, when you gather people of this nature, and put them together so they can go on dates, the result is a train wreck of people who don't know how to deal with a healthy relationship, trying to have relationships with OTHER people who don't know how to have a healthy relationship, and you just get more DRAMA!

Relationship problems are more prevalent, and exponentially increase as the relationship continues to "grow." I use the term "grow" very loosely, as "fester" would be the more appropriate term. The adults in question move quickly, to find another comfortable serious relationship, similar to a marriage. They "fall in love" after a few months, and get re-married in a year. Perhaps another year goes by, and they get divorced. Again. The cycle continues.

Throughout my teenage years, I was very judgmental about my parents' various relationships. Debbie Green Teeth had translucent teeth. There was Doreen #1, and Doreen #2... (they were actually very nice), there was Windy Wendy who never shut up... her sister Allison (also very nice but lived in Chicago), and finally ends with Kris (she's great) who my father met while volunteering at Wolf Trap (a healthy social outlet). For my mother, there was Michael, who brought us a lawn and leaf trash bag full of popcorn... and Gabe, 11 years younger than my mother who grew up in a boarding school in Germany, treated his daughter appallingly, and oh yes, buried my golden retriever in the sand. Steve, a pot-head chef who for some reason could not make decent hash browns. Honestly. They come in a bag!!! Her streak ends with John (via Match.com), who I also hopes will be the last one: I approve. He's very sweet and sometimes almost too nice for my mother.

As most romantic relationships don't work when initiated through divorced dating clubs, friendships are quite similar. Though you may find a few people that are "normal," every now and then, you come across a dud–noun 1. a device, person, or enterprise that proves to be a failure. Enter exhibit A) Sally (for the sake of privacy). Sally has no common sense, no savings, no ambition, and 2 children- let's call them Charlie and Lucy. Lucy, a few years younger than I am, has 2 children of her own. Mom Sally, when asked why she didn't see a problem with Lucy's boyfriend sleeping over, replied, "oh it's ok. They have their pajamas on."

No joke.

Charlie is a senior in high school and works at PetSmart. This may not seem like a problem. Well, let's say... hypothetically... that 2 1/2 years ago, my mother opens her home to Sally (who is homeless and jobless because she *get this* moved in with some guy (with her son) to another state, prematurely, then broke up, and had nowhere to go. My bedroom is now Sally's bedroom. My brother's bedroom belongs to her son Charlie... and his 17 lizards and hamsters and other creatures that stink up the entire 2nd floor. My mother has asked me, "do you want to stay over for Christmas?" Seriously? Where??? With the rodents, or amphibians? This situation, I was assured, was to last only a couple months, while Sally got back on her feet. Please note* this was 2 1/2 years ago.... Needless to say, the situation is the same, if not worse, now that Charlie is sneaking in more creatures every week.

In my opinion, this is exactly why you shouldn't rent out your children's bedrooms to friends unless they have a proven record of being able to sustain within society, and have some form of cognitive ability.

Invisible Children

What has Invisible Children accomplished?

TRI: Invest In Peace

To learn more, go to www.invisiblechildren.com

wanted trailer- HD

the story of stuff

This video provides a comprehensive summary of human consumption, waste, and what we're doing to our natural resources.

Watch the Story of Stuff.

corporate boredom vs. barroom chronicles

After just a few hours training to be a server at a local bar, I received more praise from just rolling silverware than I have in 2 years as a "Project Coordinator" for a corporate conglomerate promoting management and IT training. Hiding behind a cloud of intended integrity and success measured by investors and economic reviews, the shoestring operation has expanded to employ hundreds of employees throughout 6 countries for the purpose of training other corporate employees to be better at their jobs! This cycle continues to fuel corporate America and the money-grubbing society we have become.

As a coordinator, I complete administrative work to support 4 product managers, and end each day with a lack of satisfaction, appreciation, and recognition- monetarily or otherwise. I used to strive, and present myself with the utmost attention. Now, each morning, I roll out of bed, throw on un-ironed clothes fitting the "business-casual" description, and arrive to work, no more than 25 minutes late. I check my email, and complete the few work-related tasks I have for the day, which puts me at about 9:30 or 10am. At which point, I move on the ever-addicting worlds of Facebook and MySpace. I have, at this point, exhausted the internet. I can read about daily news and world updates via a handful of networks, and then that's it. My position is not challenging, I don't use my BA degree, and the office (due to decreasing employee morale) is piercingly quiet.

The company talks of promoting from within, to bolster the professional development of their employees. This is a gimmick. It seems apparent that I have been denied a promotion to the marketing team, not by the marketing manager because I wasn't qualified.... because I am qualified... but by MY boss, and HIS boss, because they need me to continue to baby-sit my unfit counterpart they mistakenly hired 4 months ago, who clearly can't cut it. The people involved have been shady and hypocritical and probably believe that I'm dumb enough to go along with their decisions, while no one is outwardly owning up to the final decision that was made. Interesting. The company also does not believe in bonuses. Our "raises" are limited to a mandatory, and standard, 3% rate each year. This might cover inflation, I'm not sure. Either way, it didn't cover my increase in rent.

I needed some extra cash, and a friend said that the bar she works at (and I happen to frequent) is hiring for a couple shifts. I'd never waited tables before, but figured if I were to start somewhere, this would be the place to do it. I already go there regularly, and I know several of the staff. It's friendlier and more fun than my day job, and I actually have things to do, to keep me busy! I need mental stimulation in my life. Not getting that from my day job rendered me lazy and useless for the rest of the week. I actually arrive early to work at Harp. Those of you who know me, understand what a feat this is. I iron my clothes. I wear my contacts instead of glasses, and do my hair and make-up as if I'm going out. I feel better while I'm working, and after a shift, than I ever do sitting in my cubicle in Northern Virginia suburbia. The people are nice, the regulars introduce themselves and so far have tipped nicely. The very idea of getting a tip is great. It's a bonus for doing a nice job. Unheard of in my corporate world of adulthood... Interestingly enough, being a server yields approximately the same rate of end-total wages as my day job, if I were to have 5 or so shifts a week. Granted, my day job provides health insurance, and paid vacation, and a 401k... but it proves to be quite tempting when you've reached your last straw. No more having to pay cover, 50% off food, with some free food and drink thrown in, live music while you work, never being bored with nothing to do, learning how to bartend so the bartenders might have a break... all at a bar I'm at anyway. Picking up a shift at a friend's family restaurant Monday nights, and picking up shifts as available at the bar... I think is probably the best decision I've made in the last 2 years.

man's best friend

The human-canine relationship has been around for quite some time... According to Wikipedia, converging archaeological and genetic evidence indicate domestication began between 17,000 and 14,000 years ago. Below is an ancient Roman mosaic depicting a hunting dog with a collar. Originally, dogs were used for hunting, and working animals, and later became valued as companions. It used to be that having and caring for a pet was a luxury, only afforded by the wealthy. Now it seems most everyone has a household pet.

Dogs, like other domesticated animals, are not just pets anymore. They are regarded as members of the family. From the Chihuahua to the Great Dane, humans everywhere are adopting these furry creatures into their families. According to the Humane Society of the United States, there are approximately 74.8 million dogs as family pets in the United States. 39% of U.S. households own at least one dog. On average, dog owners spent $219 on veterinary visits (vaccine, well visits) annually. Even the death of a pet has now warranted the use of a Pet Cemetary or crematorium.

Pet beds, bowls, toys, clothing, accessories, special obedience classes, and doggie day care have become staples in the life of dog ownership. Pet clothing and accessories that say "Princess" or "Dutchess"... Owners can now choose natural and organic dog food, and human-grade treats like tilapia fish jerky or dog biscuits and cookies made with carob and yogurt, and handmade colorful designs. The cookies even smell like human cookies! Things have certainly come a long way since the dog house days of Charlie Brown's Snoopy, or the plain pet supplies used in Garfield or Dennis the Mennis. Granted, those are fictional depictions of reality's version of dog ownership, and I am no exception. My dog is definitely spoiled... She has a toy basket, overflowing with chew toys and stuffed animals, and rawhide bones cover her "dog bed," which she never sleeps on because she claims the couch or my bed when she needs a nap. It's all fine by me. She is a great dog, always wanting to play, but will lay by you if you don't feel well. She also knows how to high-5, and high-10. Some humans aren't as cooperative.

Certain establishments now cater to a pet-friendly clientele, inviting customers to bring their pets to coffee shops, book stores, even their work place. Even going for medical treatments can be luxurious...*note* I haven't gone this far yet... though I do give Koda (pictured above) a "puppy massage" when she gets irritable. It calms her down at night and then she goes to sleep. :o)

Veterinary Holistic Care in Bethesda, MD utilizes "Nutrition with an emphasis on Raw Diet, Acupuncture, Chinese and Western Herbs, Homeopathy, Bach Flowers, Energy Healing, Massage and a variety of other holistic modalities." Here, you can send your dog for massage therapy, acupunture, aura cleansing, chiropractic treatments, and even Qigong: an ancient Chinese methodology for health, therapy, and longevity.

Some useful links:

Clean Run Dog Toys, Treats, Agility and Training

Colorado Canines

Pet Portraits

big things can come in small packages

Is it a flashlight? Or an FMG-9? Scary concept. I feel like this is something my brother would want for his birthday... Oh look, there's something moving in the bush, let me shine my flashlight on it and see.... BANG. Oops. Flippin' rednecks.

Scythian at Harp 3/7

Scythian (Celtic with an edge) will be at Harp & Fiddle in Bethesda tomorrow~ March 7, 2008! Show starts @ 10pm!!!

Come out for some high-energy, liver-destroying, feet-stomping, loud Irish fun in preparation for:

A) My Birthday and B) St. Patty's Day!

Scythian Music ***** Visit on MySpace.

"Scythian's enthusiasm is contagious, and shows seem to end with

everyone dancing, jumping around or hoisting glasses."

- The Washington Post

She & Him

Music by Zooey Deschanel & M. Ward

Listen to part of "Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?" from their upcoming album: Volume One, due out March 18th, below posted via Urban Outfitters.

Buy the album. ***** Visit on MySpace.

Rolling Stones Blog showcases She & Him

JoeNATION!

My friend Joe makes videos for my (and other people's) entertainment. Two of his videos are posted below. Check it out: http://www.joenation.tv/

White Boys Fried Chicken Road Trip

The Facebook Stalker