People say that life goes on. I don’t necessarily agree. Time continues to pass, and we continue to exist, but our lives have been changed forever. Things will never be the "same," after you lose someone you love. Nothing returns to “normal” or the way it was, or the way you thought it was intended to be. The quiet of an empty night in the dead of winter is eerily comforting to me. Perhaps it's because I can pretend that time stands still.
Chris always had a sense of adventure and didn't wait for anything. At times I wonder why I didn't join him in the islands sooner. Some friends have said that Chris wouldn't want me to continue to be sad just because he's gone. They say he'd want me to go on, and live life because he can't. I know he'd be irritated with me if I wasted much more of my life being unhappy, and sorry about things I didn't do. There's nothing standing in my way right now. I'm young, I should take risks, make mistakes, and enjoy the time I have.
Moving to the islands and living in paradise with Chris, paycheck to paycheck, was my "Plan B" if I didn't get into grad school. I'm already living paycheck to paycheck, so it really would've been a step up. That plan is on the back burner now. Maybe I'll live in the islands one day, but I'll have to work up to that. For now, I've come up with another Plan B... which I guess is actually Plan C at this point, which is appropriate- Plan C for Christine. My plan.
Short term: Tomorrow is my first kick boxing lesson. Monday will begin my introduction to yoga. Starting in late March, I'll be learning how to breakdance. (this is not for public use- just my personal enrichment and bruising of my body)
Long term: It's no secret that I've applied to graduate schools for the fall semester. However, I have a large knot in my stomach comprised of massive anxiety and panic as to whether or not I'll be accepted into any of the programs. With the encouragement of my uncle, I've decided that if I don't get into grad school, I'll go to China to teach English in Shenzhen. Even if I do get into school, this is something I intend to pursue after graduation.
Teaching English in China for almost a year, that'd be a change. The program would run August through June. Housing is paid for, and some meals are included. You get a monthly stipend of approximately $600. You take Mandarin lessons at Shenzhen University, and then teach English to children. Shenzhen University is prestigious, so having that on my resume would certainly be an accomplishment. I'd get to see China- the Great Wall, Imperial Palace, the Forbidden City... and it's safe.
Volunteering abroad with several programs offered by the Global Volunteer Network, out of New Zealand, is also on the agenda. A chance to see the world, and help where help is needed most. Community development at a Liberian Refugee Camp in Ghana... arts and education programs with orphaned and vulnerable children in Tanzania, as well as a women's center, giving education to AIDS orphans in Uganda... working on community aid programs in India, Cambodia, and Nepal... the opportunities are endless. Although I'm tempted to throw in a 2 week volunteer trek in Costa Rica helping the leatherback sea turtles.
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