Everyone is familiar with the "phase out". Different than a full-on "break up" but essentially the same result, without the effort and awkwardness and extra arbitrary emotion.
My friend, we'll call her Anna, recently ended a long-term relationship. She has just started to date around and has encountered an issue. There are 2 boys in the picture- one is a body builder, the other is a race-car driver. Seriously! I warned her about the body builder... that usually, if they're body building, they're taking supplements, and they're lacking in other supplemental parts of the body, if you catch my drift. Well, I was right. She confirmed that she was a little disappointed. She wants to know how to phase him out, and concentrate on the race-car driver. This is fairly simple to do, and happens for many reasons.
Reasons I have phased out someone in the last year or so:
1) Phil was boring. I mean REALLY boring. Didn't have much to say, and devoted his free time to working out. Had nothing else of interest to occupy his time. He informed me of his daily diet (every day, for 3 years and counting): Oatmeal and yogurt for breakfast. Protein shake at 10am. Grilled plain chicken and steamed veggies for lunch. Protein shake at 3pm. Grilled plain chicken and steamed veggies for dinner. Phil did not stray from this strict diet, ever. How is that possible??? Life is for discovering new things, new flavors, new culture, new cuisine, the whole experience of things being different! No. I like cheese fries.
2) Greek Boy (for privacy's sake) had a Napolean Complex to say the least, and an anger problem that surfaced by date #3. It was assumed he was in a bad mood, but no, it was his personality to be in a constant state of anger and annoyance.
3) David took me on a date and ate my food before I could eat it.
4) Bob (for privacy's sake) was the boy featured in that dating experience highlighted in the post about Tucan Sam's dating rules.
5) Rob (for privacy's sake) was a big girl. Chatty, girly, and ultra smothering. I couldn't breathe. And he decided in the first 5 minutes he met me, that he knew everything about me. He typecasted me, assumed I was this dainty, giggly, innocent girl who liked salads and couldn't drive stick. I was glad to correct him, though it did cause me to have slightly more attitude than I usually would.
Sometimes it can get sticky to "break up" with someone and it can be beneficial for all parties involved to passively phase out someone, but there are different schools of thought on the matter, and the side effects of the phase out are debatable.
In my experience, it works well if you flirt a little on the phone, but act disappointed that your schedule is just too crazy, because you "do really want to go out again soon, but just don't have the time." After a couple dates are presented and you turn them down, you simply say, "I'm sorry, this isn't fair to you. I'm just not as flexible as I thought and I don't want to lead you on, but I just can't see this working since I'm so busy. As soon as my schedule frees up, of course you're the first person I'll call, because I do like you." And then shortly after that, the calls will end and you're off the hook.
However, you should be considerate about this phase out- the timing, the reasons, the possibilities of future run-ins. It is possible to phase out someone and stay friends, or at least cordial to one another without anything being awkward. 3 of the above mentioned boys, are boys that I've worked with. Although at the moment, not gonna lie, I might be the phase-out-ee. The boy I've been hanging out with has become less accessible, isn't calling as much, doesn't seem interested. We weren't officially together, so it's not like this warrants a "break up" talk, but I am getting the feeling I'm being phased out. It's all part of the game I guess. Though, it would be more convenient for him to phase me out at the end of the summer when I go to Chicago... because until then, I do see him a few times a week just because our schedules and social events happen to overlap. Awkward.
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