to begin

i've hit a breaking point in fool’s paradise, playing this waiting game to see where i'll end up. though i have potential back-up plans, they bring little comfort since they won't alleviate the gut-wrenching disappointment if my initial plans don't work out. additionally, of course, there's the slight fear of telling anyone about my goals, because if i fail, i'd like to keep it as secret as possible. it honestly is exhausting at times to just act the way i should, expending all my energy to pretend to be in line with everything else. and then other times, i can't tell if i'm pretending or not. at any rate, by september i'll at least change my address... either Boston, Denver, New York, or i'll stay here in DC. (comments regarding which city would be best for a 1-2 year stay are welcome...)

i should mention that in general i find the act of blogging a bit egocentric and i only tend to frequent those that have something to offer- i.e. the posting of something interesting: videos, music, articles, products, etc. that said, i'll try to stream this blog in the same manner. this is in no way an attempt to have my personal life e-journaled for all to see and judge, as i'm sure there are few people who would be interested in knowing the small pieces of my daily life. at any rate, as i'm sure i'll use this outlet as some small mode of reflection, this is not to be categorized as a "diary"...