Tuesday, March 25, 2008

cookies in the workplace

Perhaps my lack of a "sweet tooth" is hindering my ability to appreciate the sentiment behind the distribution of baked goods in exchange for social acceptance. However, I find it highly unprofessional to bring cookies to an interview, and also to bring cookies to your first day of your new occupation. Granted, (and here's where it may come across that I seem slightly bitter about the hiring decision...) if you've been justifying your existence by raising children to be responsible, functional adults in society, you probably have lots of knowledge to share regarding baking small morsels of sugar and flour and chocolate into flat, round treats for consumption.

Let's examine this for a moment...


Other than baking cookies, and literally having a "Cookbook for Success," that you so kindly shared in your interview, what extra experience can you bring to the table? For starters, you're probably very well articulated in your notes to the school informing teachers of doctor's appointments and other excused absences. I'm sure that you have a talent for proofreading book reports, and I bet your time management skills are proven on intense science fair projects.

Baking Soda + Vinegar = Volcanic Eruption! Bill Nye would be proud.

Clearly, this speaks to your ability to create marketing materials for management and IT training courses and lead group projects (which do involve adults) to concrete marketing strategies for several international operating units. The mothering habits do come across, when you ask if I need a tissue, or if I have my breakfast this morning. In the unexplainable universe of senior management, this somehow equates to having more writing experience than a Communications Major, 3 years out of undergrad, who provided "excellent" marketing materials for this position, according to the marketing manager... interesting.

Granted, I didn't necessarily need this promotion, as I'm going to graduate school in 5 months (not that my managers are aware of that), but it's the principle behind it all, which I've mentioned before in older posts. My lack of responsibility in my day job could be perceived as a good thing. Though I am incredibly bored and unmotivated to be productive in any manner that would benefit the company, it does allow me to entertain the masses with my daily observations and cognitive processes.
For instance, why are cookies the bribe of choice in this professional arena? They don't scream "productivity" or "professional atmosphere" or even "tasty" since they're chocolate chip, and I don't like chocolate chip unless they are designated "chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips," which are indeed different from sugar cookies. Going back to the purpose of the cookies, one might guess that cookies might improve office moral and encourage camaraderie but in fact, they contribute to the inner struggles and anxieties the various Weight Watchers members encompass throughout the office, which will cause more stress, cattiness, and overall lack of job satisfaction in the workplace. Being a mother, the new employee in question should know that even Cookie Monster was "given a long vacation" from Sesame Street, as he clearly encouraged an unhealthy lifestyle. (As a side note- I don't think Cookie Monster's approach to life was so much less healthy than Oscar the Grouch living as a grump in a trash can with his pet worm, Slimey...) Last year, Cookie Monster explained his new philosophy that "Cookies are a sometime food." I highly doubt Cookie Monster is referring to "sometimes" as a "professional interview" and your first day on the job.

No comments: