A side note of observation regarding support networks for divorce: As a now-grown child of a "broken family," I have been able to observe the ritual dating dance of the American, middle-class, mid-40s divorcée.
"Support" Groups (or so they call themselves) like Parents Without Partners or New Beginnings, exist to help parents overcome the emotional and mental strains of separating from their partners. This is the initial reason to join... you may eventually move to non-support group type clubs, just for recreation (Columbia Ski Club), or recreation coupled the purpose of meeting people (Singles on Sailboats). My mother belongs to the ski club... and I can't remember the last time she went skiing. Don't get me wrong, she enjoys the parties, mixers, and dances the club puts on, and any concerts or outings they organize. The essential reason to continue your membership however, is based purely on wanting to meet people (new potential significant others to be specific...).
Let me point out a problem with this scenario. If you gather a lot of people who have all been rejected in serious long-term relationships, they all have their unique plethora of issues to contribute due to their failed marriages- bitterness, insecurities, trust issues, not to mention the control freaks... Sorry, I'm getting off track. The point is, when you gather people of this nature, and put them together so they can go on dates, the result is a train wreck of people who don't know how to deal with a healthy relationship, trying to have relationships with OTHER people who don't know how to have a healthy relationship, and you just get more DRAMA!
Relationship problems are more prevalent, and exponentially increase as the relationship continues to "grow." I use the term "grow" very loosely, as "fester" would be the more appropriate term. The adults in question move quickly, to find another comfortable serious relationship, similar to a marriage. They "fall in love" after a few months, and get re-married in a year. Perhaps another year goes by, and they get divorced. Again. The cycle continues.
Throughout my teenage years, I was very judgmental about my parents' various relationships. Debbie Green Teeth had translucent teeth. There was Doreen #1, and Doreen #2... (they were actually very nice), there was Windy Wendy who never shut up... her sister Allison (also very nice but lived in Chicago), and finally ends with Kris (she's great) who my father met while volunteering at Wolf Trap (a healthy social outlet). For my mother, there was Michael, who brought us a lawn and leaf trash bag full of popcorn... and Gabe, 11 years younger than my mother who grew up in a boarding school in Germany, treated his daughter appallingly, and oh yes, buried my golden retriever in the sand. Steve, a pot-head chef who for some reason could not make decent hash browns. Honestly. They come in a bag!!! Her streak ends with John (via Match.com), who I also hopes will be the last one: I approve. He's very sweet and sometimes almost too nice for my mother.
As most romantic relationships don't work when initiated through divorced dating clubs, friendships are quite similar. Though you may find a few people that are "normal," every now and then, you come across a dud–noun 1. a device, person, or enterprise that proves to be a failure. Enter exhibit A) Sally (for the sake of privacy). Sally has no common sense, no savings, no ambition, and 2 children- let's call them Charlie and Lucy. Lucy, a few years younger than I am, has 2 children of her own. Mom Sally, when asked why she didn't see a problem with Lucy's boyfriend sleeping over, replied, "oh it's ok. They have their pajamas on."
No joke.
Charlie is a senior in high school and works at PetSmart. This may not seem like a problem. Well, let's say... hypothetically... that 2 1/2 years ago, my mother opens her home to Sally (who is homeless and jobless because she *get this* moved in with some guy (with her son) to another state, prematurely, then broke up, and had nowhere to go. My bedroom is now Sally's bedroom. My brother's bedroom belongs to her son Charlie... and his 17 lizards and hamsters and other creatures that stink up the entire 2nd floor. My mother has asked me, "do you want to stay over for Christmas?" Seriously? Where??? With the rodents, or amphibians? This situation, I was assured, was to last only a couple months, while Sally got back on her feet. Please note* this was 2 1/2 years ago.... Needless to say, the situation is the same, if not worse, now that Charlie is sneaking in more creatures every week.
In my opinion, this is exactly why you shouldn't rent out your children's bedrooms to friends unless they have a proven record of being able to sustain within society, and have some form of cognitive ability.
"Support" Groups (or so they call themselves) like Parents Without Partners or New Beginnings, exist to help parents overcome the emotional and mental strains of separating from their partners. This is the initial reason to join... you may eventually move to non-support group type clubs, just for recreation (Columbia Ski Club), or recreation coupled the purpose of meeting people (Singles on Sailboats). My mother belongs to the ski club... and I can't remember the last time she went skiing. Don't get me wrong, she enjoys the parties, mixers, and dances the club puts on, and any concerts or outings they organize. The essential reason to continue your membership however, is based purely on wanting to meet people (new potential significant others to be specific...).
Let me point out a problem with this scenario. If you gather a lot of people who have all been rejected in serious long-term relationships, they all have their unique plethora of issues to contribute due to their failed marriages- bitterness, insecurities, trust issues, not to mention the control freaks... Sorry, I'm getting off track. The point is, when you gather people of this nature, and put them together so they can go on dates, the result is a train wreck of people who don't know how to deal with a healthy relationship, trying to have relationships with OTHER people who don't know how to have a healthy relationship, and you just get more DRAMA!
Relationship problems are more prevalent, and exponentially increase as the relationship continues to "grow." I use the term "grow" very loosely, as "fester" would be the more appropriate term. The adults in question move quickly, to find another comfortable serious relationship, similar to a marriage. They "fall in love" after a few months, and get re-married in a year. Perhaps another year goes by, and they get divorced. Again. The cycle continues.
Throughout my teenage years, I was very judgmental about my parents' various relationships. Debbie Green Teeth had translucent teeth. There was Doreen #1, and Doreen #2... (they were actually very nice), there was Windy Wendy who never shut up... her sister Allison (also very nice but lived in Chicago), and finally ends with Kris (she's great) who my father met while volunteering at Wolf Trap (a healthy social outlet). For my mother, there was Michael, who brought us a lawn and leaf trash bag full of popcorn... and Gabe, 11 years younger than my mother who grew up in a boarding school in Germany, treated his daughter appallingly, and oh yes, buried my golden retriever in the sand. Steve, a pot-head chef who for some reason could not make decent hash browns. Honestly. They come in a bag!!! Her streak ends with John (via Match.com), who I also hopes will be the last one: I approve. He's very sweet and sometimes almost too nice for my mother.
As most romantic relationships don't work when initiated through divorced dating clubs, friendships are quite similar. Though you may find a few people that are "normal," every now and then, you come across a dud–noun 1. a device, person, or enterprise that proves to be a failure. Enter exhibit A) Sally (for the sake of privacy). Sally has no common sense, no savings, no ambition, and 2 children- let's call them Charlie and Lucy. Lucy, a few years younger than I am, has 2 children of her own. Mom Sally, when asked why she didn't see a problem with Lucy's boyfriend sleeping over, replied, "oh it's ok. They have their pajamas on."
No joke.
Charlie is a senior in high school and works at PetSmart. This may not seem like a problem. Well, let's say... hypothetically... that 2 1/2 years ago, my mother opens her home to Sally (who is homeless and jobless because she *get this* moved in with some guy (with her son) to another state, prematurely, then broke up, and had nowhere to go. My bedroom is now Sally's bedroom. My brother's bedroom belongs to her son Charlie... and his 17 lizards and hamsters and other creatures that stink up the entire 2nd floor. My mother has asked me, "do you want to stay over for Christmas?" Seriously? Where??? With the rodents, or amphibians? This situation, I was assured, was to last only a couple months, while Sally got back on her feet. Please note* this was 2 1/2 years ago.... Needless to say, the situation is the same, if not worse, now that Charlie is sneaking in more creatures every week.
In my opinion, this is exactly why you shouldn't rent out your children's bedrooms to friends unless they have a proven record of being able to sustain within society, and have some form of cognitive ability.
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