As a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding on August 23rd, my mind at this point is trying to wrap itself around the various obligations of this title. I planned the bridal shower-- which, just so you all know... is extremely different than the Slip-N-Slide BBQs I'm used to throwing-- I bought the dress, the jacket (since it's a conservative Catholic ceremony), I need to borrow silver shoes from Mary before she moves to North Carolina, Jo from the bar is measuring me in the dress tonight so she can hem it as it hangs 8 ft long for some sort of Amazon Barbie Bridesmaid. The bachelorette party is coming up-- I need to plan that. I bought the wedding gift, backordered until early August, and the bride has asked for her gift early, i.e. as soon as it ships, so I'll wrap it and bring it in to work for her. I got the invitation this weekend. Miss Christine Brown & Guest. Holy crap. I've spent ALL this time worrying about dresses and bridal things and shoes and how my hair needs to be done, I've completely forgotten to look for a date!!! I had this planned months ago. I said to myself, "Self: You have 6 months to find a date. No problem." And it was far enough away that I never set myself into an anxiety ridden state of going stag to yet another function, as I have for the last 2 major functions I've attended.
I know how lame this is, but I did ask my brother to be my date. Unfortunately, he'll be in Blacksburg that weekend since his semester starts 2 days later. Because he's just so awesome, he did offer that if I'm in a bind, he *might* be able to assist. However, I need to find a back up. And here's where I start to over-analyze my approach to dating. Anxiety kicks in.
I have standards, just like everyone else, although I think lately I might be hindering my chances at a date. Case in point: Dude asks for my number. No. I do not meet random strangers and give them my number. Doesn't happen. I need references! I have not gone on a date with ANYone without meeting them through friends first, and asking around about what kind of person they are. If I were to consider a random guy, the application process is as follows:
Give me 3 references, including at least 1 girl, who can attest to you being a decent, respectful person (as someone to date- which is different because you could be the best friend ever, but the worst person on Earth to date).
What bars do you go to? (I work at a bar-- I can find out what you drink, if you're an ass, if you're a good tipper, from other bar staff)
What is your drink of choice? (If it's Bud Lite, that's a deal breaker)
Are you employed? Do you have an apartment?
Do you have a drug problem?
When was your last relationship and how long did it last?
Did you go to school? Were you ever in a fraternity?
Do you have a good relationship with your mother?
Any talents or hobbies? What tv shows do you like?
All answers go under consideration. Perhaps I'm just slow to trust new boys, since the few I've dated before have turned out to be not at all what I expected, however, at this rate, I will be the old lady in the neighborhood with 8 dogs, since I'm allergic to cats. Feline intollerant, if you will. Oh geez. I'm going to be Weezer from Steel Magnolias-- not crazy, just in a bad mood for 40 years. Oh wait, nevermind, that's why they invented the Rabbit. Problem Solved. :) I'll put that in my guest's chair at the wedding-- I'm sure that'll go over swimmingly.
Unless I magically find someone who knows how to live life at my level. For instance... the following would be an indication that a boy is just not cut out to date me.
No comments:
Post a Comment